


Meeting My Roommate....Damn he's fine.

by RooBear68



Series: Whole Lotta Love [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fluff, Gen, Genius Castiel, Genius Dean Winchester, M/M, Past Abuse, Shy Castiel, Shy Dean, Social Anxiety, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-01 03:33:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13989585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RooBear68/pseuds/RooBear68
Summary: Dean Winchester is a genius, who has horrible nighttime anxiety which manifests itself in nightmares.Castiel Shurley is a genius who has social anxiety which manifests itself in him being awkward.Columbia University decided to make them roommates.Fate decided to make them SoulMates.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story in a series I have planned to follow along the lives of these SoulMates.  
> Enjoy.  
> Please note that the ratings with change after this story, this will be the only one that is note rated Explicit. I have marked this with Underage as Cas is not yet 18 and nothing sexual happens until he is of age, and not in this first story.

 

 

 

 

 

Dean Winchester really loved his family but right at this moment he wished that they would just leave already. 

"Mom, I'm good. I can unpack later. You guys need to get back on the road if Sammy's gonna make it back to school on Monday."  

"I know, baby. I just want to make sure you're settled and feeling o.k. before we leave you here alone."  

Dean could see the worry on his Mom's face, it was the same look on his Dad's. He took a few deep breaths just the way he was taught to center himself before speaking to his parents again. 

"I'm good, really. Miss Missouri agrees that this is best for me. I have my meds, my weekly appointment with Missouri will be on Skype instead of in person, but I'm good, you guys." 

He walked over and wrapped an arm around both of his worried parents. True, he could understand their concerns with how bad his anxiety could be but Dean really needed to do this on his own.  

"Look, I know I will have some issues but you two gave me the tools to do this. I've been under Missouri's care for years, the anxiety meds are working, and I know that this is a good thing. I also know that there is an open plane ticket Mom stuck in my backpack if I need to come home." 

Giving his Mom a side glance he saw her smirk a bit at being called out but it was not apologetic at all. Yeah, he was lucky and he knew it at how supportive his parents are. They gave him all the tools he needed to succeed. Sure, he had gotten some major scholarships to a few different schools, but when he picked Columbia University in New York City he knew it hurt them that he was gonna be over 1000 miles away. Yet, they still made it as easy as they could on him. Financially but mostly emotionally. 

"Look, son. We know you can do this, doesn't mean your Ma and I won't worry. Til the day I die I will worry about my family. You'll get it when your find your SoulMate and have a family." 

Dean gladly accepted the hug his Dad wrapped him up in. He felt his eyes burn a bit and began blinking trying to keep the tears from falling but knew his sniffling gave him away. He patted his Dad's back when hearing a sniff or two from his old man. 

"Alright, hug your brother then he and I are gonna go get the van. Mary, now, say your good bye and you can call him later. Dean's right. We need to get on the road, and he needs to unpack so that he can settle in. Plus, I'm sure his roommate will be here soon. Love you, boy." 

With one more pat on the back Dean watched his Dad walk out the door just as his younger, not so little any more, brother wrapped him in a hug.  

"See ya', jerk." Sammy whispered in his ear. "Kick it in the ass." 

"Text me, bitch. Anytime. Love you." 

He watched Sammy back out the door before turning to his Mom. Seeing her so obviously trying not to cry made his tears finally fall. Giving a half sob, half laugh, he walked over and laid his forehead on hers. 

"Ma..." 

"I know, I know" She interrupted. 

"You can do this. I'm so proud of you, Dean. Before I go I just need to tell you that the plane ticket isn't because I don't believe in you. It's just in case of emergency, here or at home." She gave him one last kiss on the nose and left quickly while trying to control her tears. 

Wiping his face Dean turned to look at the disaster his room was. Boxes everywhere. He shook his head and picked one at random to open. Luckily for him the decision of which bed to take was his since he had checked into the dorm before his roommate. The dorm "mother" told him that his roommate would be in later today and that his name was Castiel. Dean hoped he was nice being that he was named for an angel. Dean plugged in his dock, set his phone in and turned on his Zepplin play list to jam to as he put his things away. 

It took him a couple of hours but by the time he was done everything was put away, the boxes broken down and put in the trash, and he was sweaty. Very sweaty. Time to go take a shower. He was thankful that his parents could afford to pay for an end of the hall room, that actually had its own bathroom. He was very thankful, ugh. The thought of sharing a shower with someone else was just not something he wanted to experience. He grabbed some clean underwear and after making sure the dorm door was locked, he went to get clean, then he was thinking..Pizza.

 

 

Cas hoped he had a nice roommate. This was the one thought he had as he slowly made his way upstairs, balancing three boxes in his arms trying not to drop them. He wasn't nervous about school, learning he could do. He was very good with books, it was just people that gave him problems. He had convinced his parents to spring for a private room then they forgot. Just forgot. He was used to being forgotten by his parents, they didn't do it on purpose, it's just they were both so busy with their careers. Honestly, he believed that if his parents weren't SoulMates, they both would be happy alone with their careers and never having had him or the twins.  

Blowing out a cleansing breath Cas found his way down the hall to his room. Setting the boxes down he again whispered a prayer for a nice roommate as he went to open the door. Finding it locked, he gave it a quizzical glare. He knew that his roommate was in residence, the dorm "mother" had informed him of this when he stopped to register and get his key. Oh yes, he had a key.  

Opening the door Cas glanced around the neat looking room just as the bathroom door opened revealing the most gorgeous boy he had ever seen in his life. He stood a few inches taller that Cas's own 6' with sandy blonde hair that was still damp from his shower. His wide surprised eyes were the color of a granny smith apple, but with flecks of gold mixed in and surrounded by the longest lashes imaginable. Cas let his gaze drop from the boy's eyes, down to his plump lips, especially the bottom one that he was biting, to his gloriously naked chest, to the slim hips just in a pair of briefs.  

Hearing the boy cough nervously Castiel realized how badly he was behaving. Squaring his shoulders he stepped forward extending his hand to introduce himself to his roommate. 

"Good afternoon, I am Castiel Shurley. Your roommate." 

"Hiya, Cas. I'm Dean Winchester. Your roommate." 

"Hello, Dean."  

 

Dean shook hands with the beautiful boy getting lost in the bluest eyes he had ever seen in his life. He couldn't stop biting his lip, which was a dead giveaway that he was nervous. He just couldn't tell if it was because he thought Cas was beautiful or if it was because Cas was staring at him just as much.  

Finally realizing that he was still holding on to Cas's hand, Dean coughed nervously and let go. He went to shove his hands into his pockets when he noticed he wasn't wearing any pants. Crap. He had just met his roommate, his breathtakingly beautiful roommate, just wearing his briefs. Crap.  

As he was pulling up his jeans he noticed that Cas was still staring. He was staring at his SoulMark, which was located on his hip just above the waist of his pants.  

 

 

"You o.k., Cas?" 

"Yes, yes, I'm o.k. I didn't mean to stare. It’s a very nice SoulMark. Have you..have you found your SoulMate, Dean?"  

Looking embarrassed Cas stammered out an apology. 

"I didn't mean to ask something so personal when we've just met, please forgive me. I don't do well with people...I get nervous, and I ….well, I do better with books and learning than social interactions." 

"You're fine, Cas. I understand, completely. I have my own issues with anxiety and being nervous with people. No need to apologize. I figure if we're roommates we’ll eventually know a lot about each other, so why not start now. Oh, and no, I haven't found my SoulMate. What about you?" 

"Thank you, Dean for being understanding and yes I would agree that we will get to know each other well living in such a small room together." 

Dean watched as Cas dragged his boxes into the room, shoving them by his bed as he looked around their room. 

"It's not bad and I'm glad we have our own bath." 

"Yeah, wasn't looking forward to sharing a shower with a bunch of people, hated it in gym in high school but at least everyone was in a hurry there to get to your next class. So, you never said, have you found your SoulMate, Cas?" 

"No, no. I haven't got a SoulMark to try to look for." 

"What?!? Everyone gets a SoulMark. I've never heard of anyone not getting one." 

"Oh, I know. It's just that you get your mark when you turn 18, and I won't be until November. I'm going to go get my other boxes, I left them in the lobby. I'll be right back, Dean. Would you like to share a pizza for dinner? I'm very hungry." 

Dean watched Cas walk out of the room while he was still talking to him. As much as Dean enjoyed looking in those blue eyes, he couldn't deny that there was something to be said for watching Cas walk away. Damn what an ass.  

Crap. Dean knew he was in trouble. He had never had a reaction to anyone like he was with Cas, and he wasn't even 18 yet. No SoulMark. He wondered just how often he was gonna hope that Cas's mark matched his when he received it. Crap. He was screwed. 

 

 

 


	2. Learning more about each other

Dean tried so hard to keep his inner thoughts from being broadcast to Cas. His Mom always told him that she could always tell what he was thinking just by reading his eyes, and with his roommate staring into his eyes so much he was worried that he would know the he was developing a huge crush on the blue-eyed boy.

He helped Cas as much as he could, unpacking and sorting out where to put his things. He had been surprised that Cas was moving in by himself, no family in attendance. Cas explained it was the norm.

"My parents are busy people, busy enough that they tend to forget the day to things of having children. Mom's a Neurosurgeon and Dad's an author. Jody, our nanny, was the one who took care of us when we were young. Making sure that we had what we needed daily, and she would remind my parents of when they had to attend school functions and such. Since my younger siblings Gabe and Anna, the twins, are in high school this year, Jody has left to go find herself."

Dean enjoyed the hearty laugh Cas gave with that, but he felt kinda bad about the way his parents sounded. So different from how Dean's own folks were.

"Jody is in Nicaragua helping rebuild a village after a severe storm did damage. I don’t think she ever lost herself."

Nodding and smiling at Cas's attempt of a joke Dean asked if he was ready to order some dinner. After Cas agreed Dean pulled up an app on his phone that had the most popular food delivery restaurants near campus. They were in harmony over what to order, meat lovers, and then a brownie pizza dessert.

Dean watched Cas walk out again, that ass!, to take his empty boxes to the trash before he went to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. This crush was hitting hard. Speaking of hard..hehe. No, he wasn't gonna go there. Crap. Now he had to talk his dick down before Cas got back to the room. The last thing Dean wanted was to make to boy uncomfortable in his new home. 

 

 

Cas took his time walking down the stairs and again back up the stairs. He needed the time to convince himself that he was not falling for the gorgeous creature that was Dean Winchester. He refused. He knew how awkward he was, hell everyone told him often enough, he didn't want to be that way with his roommate though. 

He reached his floor again slowing down even more thinking about the cross that Dean had on his hip. Whoever was his SoulMate was so very lucky. Even having just meeting him several hours before Cas knew how special Dean was. So smart, kind, funny, beautiful, shy yet so passionate when discussing something he loves. Cas already knew that the list included his family, his Dad's car, his books, his movies, and his love of burgers. Dean's eyes just about glowed when discussing these things. He also had a great love of music and a voice like an angel. 

Cas knew he was screwed. He was just going to have to learn how to be friends with the first person he had ever felt attraction for.

 

 

Dean was sitting on his bed trying not to focus on the fact that Cas was in the shower. He had never had thoughts like he was having about Cas, this was all new to him. He had a slight crush a time or two, but not the intense longing he felt in his chest whenever they locked eyes. Crap. They had just met! He didn't know what was going on, but he really needed to quit thinking about him in the shower, wet and naked.

He picked up his phone for a distraction and read the latest text from his Mom. She had been texting all day checking on him and giving him a blow by blow of Sammy and Dad's "slug bug" game. Apparently, Dad said he would never be able to use his right shoulder any more. Smiling at his crazy family it made him think of how different Cas's family sounded which brought a frown to his face. 

Nodding to himself he hit call on his Mom's contact.

"Hi honey, everything o.k.?'

"No, not really Mom."

"What is it?'

"I'm just upset about Cas."

"I thought you said you guys were getting along so well. Is it because you told him about your nightmares?"

"No, I haven't told him yet."

"Dean, you need to tell him before it's time for you two to go sleep."

"I will, Mom. I just ….he's just..."

"Do you think he won't react well?"

"Oh, no. He's just great, he's really great Mom! That's just it..."

"Tell me, Baby" she encouraged when he trailed off.

"He moved in alone. He said his parents forget him all the time. They had agreed to a private room then forgot, plus they forgot to help him. He said he was raised by Jody, his nanny who left after his younger siblings, twins!, started high school, but Mom! How could any parent forget their kid, its just..."

"Dean!"  his Mom interrupted him.

"Take a breath, and then continue."

Dean knew that when he was upset or excited he tended to talk to fast running all his thoughts together. It was something he and Missouri had been working on.

"O.k., thanks Mom. He said he can only remember a few birthdays that they were around for, mostly it was just his nanny and the twins after they were born. He said his Mom is some big shot surgeon at a hospital here and his Dad is an author. Which, by the way, his Dad works out of his office at home! Come on, that's just not right Mom..."

He stopped himself this time, if he didn't he'd end up crying. 

"Alright, Sweetie. Where is Cas right now?"

"Um, he's just getting out of the shower. I just heard the water shut off."

He had dropped his voice to a whisper not wanting Cas to know that he was talking about him. Not that he was gossiping he was truly upset that this beautiful boy was o.k. with being forgotten.

"O.k., I want to talk to him when he gets out, I'll wait."

"Mom!"

"Don't Mom me, I want to speak to him."

Crap. This was probably not gonna go well for him, he just knew it. Crap.

 

 

Cas talked himself up to walk back into the room where that green-eyed devil was waiting to torment him with his angelic personality. He could do this, he wanted to do this. What was scary is that he wanted to do so much more, but he didn't know what that was.

When he stepped into the room Dean thrust his phone at him telling him that his Mom wanted to talk to him. All he could do was stare at the phone.

"Do you want me to leave?" He hated the way his voice sounded weak he was just so afraid that Dean's Mom was going to tell him that Dean really didn't like him and he was going to have to move. He thought they had been getting along, but he had been fooled in the past too. This wouldn't be the first time a parent was the one to tell him that their child didn't want him around.

"No! Just, please talk to her, Cas. Please."

He thought Dean looked sincere but he was still nervous pulling the phone to his ear.

"Hello. This is Castiel Shurley."

"Well, Hi there, Sweetie. This is Mary, Dean's Mom. How are you doing, Sweetie?"

"Confused. I am confused. Did I do something that has displeased you, Ma'am?"

"No, you haven't and you can call me Mary no Ma'am. Alright?"

"Yes Mam..Mary. What can I do for you, Mary?"

"Nothing. I was just checking on you. Just introducing myself, I'm sure with you being my son's newest friend we will end up talking quite a bit in the future. I want you to make sure that Dean gives you my number, in case you need to get in touch with me, alright?"

"In touch with you?" Cas knew he probably sounded like an idiot and he just couldn't stop himself from doing the 'confused dork head tilt' as his brother called it, but dang it!, he was confused. Why was Dean's Mom being so nice?

"Well, yes, Sweetie. You never know. Dean could get sick and you might want to call and find out what kind of medicine to buy. Just ...anything. I want you to be able to get ahold of me, and I would also be able to get in touch with you, if that would be alright?"

"Yes. Yes, I can look after him. I will watch over him in your absence."

"Not exactly what I meant, Cas. Just take care of each other, please."

"Yes, Mary. Thank you."

"Talk to you later, Sweetie"

"Goodbye"

 

 

Dean took his phone back from Cas hoping that whatever his Mom said hadn't freaked out this beautiful boy. Why was it he couldn't think of Cas without calling him 'beautiful'? He really had to get a grip. 

Hearing the text message chime, he sent his Mom Cas's phone number like she asked.

"I um...I just sent Mom your number. Sorry if you really didn't want her to have it, I should have double checked?"

"Not at all, Dean. It's fine."

He watched as Cas put his dirty clothes in his hamper and continued his preparations to turn in soon. He was just gonna have to tell him and hope that Cas understood.

"Hey, Cas? Can we talk a minute before we turn in?"

"Of course, Dean."

Seeing Cas sit on the edge of his bed waiting for Dean to continue he decided to mimic him, sitting on his own bed directly across from him.

"Well, o.k. I told you that I have anxiety, that's why I understand yours. Mine is a bit different. I mean, I am shy and I don't like to be around a lot of strangers, same as you but ...well."

He stopped to rub the back of this neck. He hated having to talk about this crap, and he really wasn't talking about the reason, just the symptom.

"I want to, no I need to tell you that I have nightmares. Not every night, but when I do they are extreme. If I wake you up, just try and ignore me. They don't last long, they're just really intense and sometimes I fall out of bed with all the thrashing I do. Don't try and wake me, I don't want to strike out at you. I'm not violent! Please don't think that, it's just one time my Mom tried to wake me, and I pushed her away. I was still asleep and I pushed her to the ground."

 

 

Cas could see that Dean was upset thinking about that memory. He needed to make Dean feel better. He had told Mary he would take care of Dean, and he just wanted to see him smile again, he didn't like the sadness in those green eyes.

"Dean. Please look at me."

Cas waiting til Dean lifted his head and they locked gazes, again.

"I will watch over you. If you have a nightmare I will make sure you do not hurt yourself, or me. Alright? Good. Now, let's get some rest and tomorrow we will go find that diner that your brother texted you about and have waffles. Good night, Dean."

He turned out the overhead light, just leaving Dean's bedtable lamp on. Crawling into his bed he got comfortable facing the wall. He could hear Dean getting settled into his bed, fluffing pillows and tucking his blankets just so, then opening his book.

Cas was just about to drift off when he heard Dean softly whisper a good night to him.

Cas woke with his heart pounding in his chest. He couldn't breathe. He slapped his hand over his heart and it felt like it was about to jump out of his chest. He was trying to get his bearings in the pitch dark of his room when he, again, heard the sound that had ripped him from sleep.

"STOP!! LEAVE ME ALONE! PLEASE!"

 Dean was having a nightmare. 


	3. Finding and giving comfort

Cas stood silently in the dark room watching and waiting to see if Dean would stop thrashing about. He was hoping that this nightmare would be over soon, but it just kept going. Cas believed that it was much more than a nightmare or maybe it just evolved but it definitely looked like a night terror. He didn't know what to do, he just knew that he couldn’t follow Dean's advice and do nothing. 

He swept his memory of things he had read about anxiety, panic attacks, and night terrors. He vaguely remembered something about a strong hold, he just couldn't remember for which it was effective. He had to do something though. He couldn't stand there and just watch Dean anymore. He was on his back, muscles stiff in terror, yet at the same time he was shaking hard enough that Cas could hear his teeth clacking together. 

Making up his mind Cas climbed into Dean's bed, lying flat on top of him, wrapping him tightly in his arms and legs. He held on tight as Dean continued to shake. Cas didn't want to start talking to Dean, he thought that it might make things worse. The only thing he could think of was to start humming the song that Jody used to hum to him to get him to sleep as a child. Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap by AC/DC. It wasn't necessarily a calming song in itself but the way Jody hummed it slowly always calmed him enough to be able to fall asleep so Cas hoped that it worked for Dean.

After humming his way through the song for the second time he realized that Dean had stopped shaking and was slowly relaxing his muscles though he was still sleeping. Looking over at the clock he realized that is was now early Saturday morning. Very early. He hoped that Dean had drifted into a deeper sleep. 

Cas didn't want to risk him going back to his dream so he went through the song a few more times before he actually hummed himself to sleep still wrapped around his roommate. As he drifted off he thought he felt an arm wrap around him and lips touching his neck but fell asleep before he could even register the surprise.

 

 

Dean felt warm. He was comfortable and he refused to open his eyes yet, maybe he could fall back asleep. He went to snuggle into his blankets to enjoy the warmth when he felt his blanket move. Huh. Sammy must have crawled into his bed with him, the little brat. Dean went to shove his brother's face off of his neck when he felt a five o'clock shadow. That was odd, Sammy hadn't started growing any scruff yet. Maybe it was his Dad, but why would his Dad be snuggled up with him in his bed. That didn't make sense at all.

He was going to have to open his eyes and face the day, except, he was so warm and comfortable that he really just wanted to go back to sleep. Dean had decided he was going to have to open his eyes to ask his Dad what was going on when he heard humming. His Dad was humming AC/DC? What? His Dad was more of a Lynyrd Skynyrd or a Kansas kinda guy, but he was doing a good job with Dirty Deeds. 

Dean realized, after a few more brain cells woke up, that his Dad was laying on top of him holding him tight. Quickly opening his eyes he realized that it wasn't his Dad that was wrapped up around him but it was his beautiful roommate and he was humming in his sleep.

It was certainly a puzzle that he wanted to solve he just wanted to do it slowly. He wanted to enjoy this a bit more before he woke Cas up to find out why he was in his bed with him, but first he was going to memorize every gorgeous inch of his face. Heck, maybe he'd even count his long black eyelashes.

 

 

"It's not polite to stare, Dean."

"What?!?"

"I said it's not polite to stare at someone, especially when they're asleep"

Opening his eyes Cas realized two things simultaneously. One, he had fallen asleep while holding Dean and two, he was in danger of losing his heart to this beautiful soul.

"Cas?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you in my bed?"

"You don't remember?"

"Um...no."

Cas slowly rolled off to the side of Dean, trying to give himself some space but he couldn't bring himself to remove his arm from around the boy's waist.

"Alright. Well....it was around 1 a.m. when I heard you shouting. I looked over and you were thrashing around and I ….I just couldn't not do anything, Dean."

 

 

Sitting up quickly, Dean started patting all over Cas's arms, shoulders, and torso. He was terrified he had hurt this boy who had become very important to him in just a few short hours.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No, Dean. I'm fine. You didn't hurt me at all."

He didn't believe him, he always ended up hurting the one who tried to wake him. He vividly remembered knocking his Mom to the floor, giving his Dad a black eye, and before he started on meds he fought with Sammy so bad that his little brother was afraid of him for days. Dean didn't want to push Cas away, he needed to stay close to him. He didn't really understand why but he was smart enough to listen to his gut, and....wait. He didn't remember his nightmare. He Always remembered his nightmare.

Dean slowly stopped pawing at Cas but continued to stare into his eyes. 

"Cas?"

"Yes, Dean?"

"Are you sure I didn't hurt you?"

"I'm positive."

"Are you sure I was having a nightmare?"

"Oh yes, Dean."

Dean felt the shudder work its way from Cas's body to through his. By that reaction Dean knew that Cas had witnessed him having a nightmare, but why didn't he remember.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you mad at me?"

"What?! No, Cas. I'm not mad at all, I'm confused."

"About?"

"I always remember my nightmare, Cas. Always."

"May I ask, is it the same nightmare? I ask because you keep saying 'nightmare', not 'nightmares'"

"Yes, it's always the same."

 

 

Cas could tell that Dean was more confused that upset, so he decided to push his luck a bit. He pulled on the hand that was still slowly rubbing his side so that Dean laid back down next to him. When he made sure that Dean was focused on him he decided to push just a bit more.

"Dean. Will you tell me? Please?"

"Honestly, Cas. I would normally turn down anyone who asked, but …."

"Yes?"

"Whatever you did to help me, actually worked. I don't remember my nightmare from last night. I can tell you every detail of it, because I've had it for years, but ...The day after I have my nightmare I'm pretty useless. I end up buried in bed all day with one of my favorite books eating my weight in ice cream. I can barely talk to anyone, it's like I just shut down after the nightmare."

"Are you feeling anything of that today?"

"No, not at all. I am talking to you. I want to talk to you, and we have plans for breakfast. I want to go."

Cas loved the smile that broke out on Dean's face. The thought that he helped put that smile there, he was over the moon.

 

 

Dean took a deep breath and started playing with the fingers on Cas's hands that he somehow ended up holding.

"I'm going to tell you my story and I know you'll have questions, but if I don't think I can answer today, can you be patient with me?"

"I will be as patient as you need, Dean. If you don't want to tell me anything just let me...."

Dean interrupted him quickly.

"I do want to, which is odd in itself, but I'm going with my gut.O.k.?"

"Yes, Dean. I was just going to thank you."

"For?"

"Well, you may feel better because somehow I made you forget having your nightmare, but you kept me from feeling so alone. So, I thank you."

Crap. Dean was in definite danger of just throwing himself at Cas. The thought that in comforting him Cas felt better himself, well....just crap.

"O.k., my Dad owns a chain of classic car repair shops across the country. So, he has money. When I was 3 years old he had to fire this guy named Az for stealing from him. What he didn't know at the time is that this guy was a true psychopath. He convinced himself that my Dad had took his future from him, so he was going to take something from my Dad."

 

 

Cas pulled his hands from Dean's but before he could gasp in shock at the withdrawal, Cas had wrapped his arms around him like he had when he was dreaming.

"Go on, Dean. I'm listening."

He could not stop his arms from squeezing Dean tighter with every word that the boy told him.

"He took me out of daycare, saying he was my Uncle. I wasn't scared of him cuz I had seen him around forever since I went to the shop a lot with my Dad. He and his brother Al kept me in a basement for 2 weeks. He told me horrible things. My parents didn't want me, they weren't looking for me, they had paid him to take me away, and the worst was that he knew I was going to be his SoulMate so he was going to keep me til I got his matching mark."

Cas kissed him on the temple without thinking. Just a soft press of his lips but when he felt Dean lean into it he just kept his lips there while he finished his story.

 

 

"They fed me and gave me water just once a day, and I had a bucket in the corner to use as a bathroom. Every day it was just yelling and yelling. "

He leaned farther into the comfort that Cas was giving him. Dean hadn't told anyone about these since Missouri convinced him to tell his parents and Sam. He had never slept away from home before so he didn't have to worry about anyone else witnessing the nightmare.

"One day I heart them arguing with each other outside the door to the room where they kept me. Al was mad because he finally got Az to admit that he had never sent a ransom note to my folks. Al was in their scheme for money he didn't even realize how delusional his brother was til then. Az was just bent on revenge and had really convinced himself that I was his SoulMate."

Before he thought better he wrapped himself around Cas burying his face in the boy's neck. Taking a deep breath to continue he found that he loved the clean sent of soap on his skin.

"I got curious hearing them fight so I crawled over to the door. It was one of those old fashion doors with the vent at the bottom which made it easy for me to see what was going on. When Al said he was going to send the ransom note, Az attacked him. They started beating each other. I was praying that Al didn't lose. I was terrified that if Al lost Az was do more to me that yell and shake me by the arm like a rag doll."

"That's all he did?"

"Yeah."

"Thank God."

Dean felt the tears drip off his face and knew that Cas would feel them on his neck. He couldn't not cry hearing Cas's whispered thanks. He coughed gently clearing his throat.

"To me it seemed like they fought for hours but in truth it was minutes but it was vicious. Az pulled out a knife and was slicing his brother as he punched him. Al was trying to keep away and talk him down it just wasn't working. When he realized that he was going to lose, Al pulled a gun and begged him to drop the knife. When Az laughed and rushed him, Al pulled the trigger but just a little late because Az buried his knife in his stomach. So, Az was dead and Al was dying. He pulled himself over and unlocked the door. Right before I watched him die he told me to run next door and have them call the police."

"Oh, Dean."

"I'm good. The police took me home. I knew my folks looked for me, that they loved me. I had heard Az say he had never contacted them. I never had a doubt even before that. Anyhow, the nightmare. I dream that Al lost the fight and that when I turn 18 Az was right, that our SoulMark's matched. I know they don't. He always showed me his, and it's nothing like mine. I don't have it every night, but that's what it is when I have it. I think I had it last night because it was the first night I've ever stayed away from home since the police took me back."

 

 

Cas pulled back so that he could look Dean in the face. Taking one hand he wiped the tears falling from those beautiful eyes.

"I'm so glad that we could comfort each other. Thank you."

"Thank you, Cas."

"How about we get ready and go eat. I'm starving and I hear your belly grumbling too."

He was thrilled to hear the surprised giggle come from Dean, beyond thrilled. He wanted to hear that sound every day.

"Alright, Cas. Let's go."


	4. Cas's story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed my POV change header in this chapter, but Ao3 is being weird and I can't change it in previous chapters. Odd.  
> Thanks for reading and being patient with me.

It didn't take very long for Dean to get lost staring at the boy sitting across the table from him in their booth at the diner. He already knew what he was going to order so he could enjoy these few moments watching Cas squint as he looked over his menu. He was just way too cute. From the way he politely requested honey for his coffee to how quickly he jumped up to help the waitress who was struggling to move one of the tables so she could clear a spill. Dean just knew that he had actual heart eyes when he looked at Cas. Crap. Poor guy really looked lost glaring at the menu, maybe he could help. 

"So, Cas, what did that menu ever do to you?" 

"What?"  

Seeing this gorgeous boy look at him so confused, head tilted to the side looking at Dean as if by looking at him intensely enough he could see Dean's soul...yep, damn heart eyes. 

"Can't you decide what you want, Cas?" 

"No, there are so many choices, and if I pick one, then there are many choices within that!" 

"Cas?" 

"Yes Dean?" 

"What, haven't you ever picked your breakfast before?" He asked giving Cas his cute little smirk, at least he hoped it was cute. 

"Um..." 

Dean didn't like the way that simple question made Cas react. He was looking down at his lap while biting his bottom lip just about hard enough to draw blood. Shit. How did Dean make him feel that bad? What did he do, because he never wanted to do it again. Dean could feel himself start to retreat into his head, to spiral down, beating himself up for doing something wrong, then he glanced again at Cas. 

Cas, this beautiful boy whom he was losing his heart to, was starting to shake and he could see tears dripping off his chin. Shit. 

 

 

 

Cas just knew this was it. Everything had been going fine, but now because he got overwhelmed with choices, Dean was going to walk away from him. He was going to lose whatever they could have been before it even started. His family was right, he was awkward and ruined everything. 

"Cas?" 

Hearing his name whispered in his ear made him start and raise his head to see that Dean was sitting next to him, wiping the tears from his face. 

"Hello Dean" 

"Hiya Cas. You back with me now?" 

"Yes." 

"Good. I'm glad. Will you tell me where you went in your head, and what I said that triggered you?" 

"Dean, no, I'm fine...." 

"Cas" 

He looked into the face that was quickly becoming the one thing he could look at for the rest of his life.  

"I'm sorry, Dean."  

He had to drop his eyes down as he felt the tears begin to fall again. If he didn't talk to Dean, he would leave. If he talked to Dean, he would still leave.  

"There's nothing to apologize for, Cas. If you don't want to tell me where you went in your head then, o.k., I guess that's the way we can do this, but please tell me what I said that did this. I don’t ever want to be the cause of you feeling this way ever again." 

Looking back up at Dean's face he couldn't see anything but sincerity. Cas knew he was taking too long, just staring at his roommate and he needed to say something, anything. Taking a few deep shuddering breaths, he decided to talk. Dean had been brave enough to talk to him, he could return the gesture. He just hoped that he still wanted to be roommates, and maybe friends, no matter that Cas wanted more. Dean was just way out of his league. 

"You were correct. I have never picked my breakfast when I had an occasion to go to a restaurant. " 

"What?" 

"Can I truly tell you, Dean?" 

"Cas, buddy, you can tell me anything."  

Cas nodded and took a moment to blow his nose while Dean assured their waitress that Cas was fine and they would order in a bit. 

 

 

Dean watched as Cas sipped his coffee. He recognized the movements as something he had done thousands of times. He could feel Cas steeling himself, thinking that whatever he was going to say was going push Dean away. He had to let him know that he wasn't going anywhere. He would be whatever Cas needed from him, no matter what Dean wanted himself he would be there for Cas. 

He laced his fingers together with Cas's pulling his hand into his lap, Dean gave him an encouraging smile. 

He watched as Cas looked around to make sure that there wasn't anyone close to them. 

"Do you remember being tested when you were young?" 

Dean shuddered, nodding his head. At the age of 2 every male child is tested to see if they're a carrier. Unless there are complications all females are able to bear children, but only certain males are able to bear children. The testing consisted of blood work and a physical exam. He only remembered because it was the first time being poked with a needle. He hated needles. 

"Well, when my Uncle found out that I was the first-born carrier ever born to the Shurley family, well, he wasn't pleased." 

Dean could see and feel Cas tense up as he confessed to being a carrier. 

"Cas, please look at me." 

He waited until Cas could finally look up at him bending just a bit to catch his eyes. 

"It's perfectly normal, Cas. I am not blessed enough to be a carrier, but Sammy is. My Dad is too, although since Mom is his SoulMate she carried us, but if his SoulMate had been a man, my Dad said he would have carried their children with pride." 

"My Uncle Zach doesn't feel the same way. After my testing he wasn't very happy. My parents didn't really care either way but he did." 

Dean tried to be patient as Cas turned to look out the diner window for few moments. He just held on to his hand while also rubbing circles on Cas's shoulder. He could feel the tremors going through the boy's body. He needed to do more. He slid his hand across his back and up his neck to gently pull Cas's head down to his shoulder. He was pleased that Cas let him and further burrowed into him. Pushing his face into Dean's neck, after turning in the seat to drape his legs over Dean's lap, still holding onto his hand with a death grip. 

 

 

 

Cas felt sick. It was amazing that Dean wasn't disgusted by the fact that he was a male carrier, but he hadn't told him the rest. What Cas had caused to happen. 

He took a breath before he continued his story, whispering it into the beautiful boy's skin. He was determined to enjoy the closeness while he could. 

"I was 2 years and 2 months old when Jody was employed by my Mother as my nanny. My parents had no choice. See, my Father was taking care of me before that since he was the one that worked from home.  When he began his novel, they decided to have my Uncle Zach live with us to help with me. He had just went through a difficult divorce and had no home of his own. Apparently after his divorce he began to drink, a lot. From what I've read, he became neglectful. He wouldn't feed me until hours after it was meal time, he wouldn't change me if I had an accident, things like that and my Father was in his office writing so he never noticed" 

He felt Dean lean his head down and press a kiss in his hair. Cas snuggled a bit more closely before he continued. On one hand he wanted to stay wrapped up by Dean, but on the other hand he wanted to get his story over with so that everything was out there between him and Dean. 

"It went a bit farther. My Mother had to go out of town for a few days for a medical conference and my Father decided to go with her, for appearances and a second honeymoon. While they were gone, my Uncle neglected me as I mentioned for the first couple of days but it got really bad on the last day. I apparently climbed out of my crib looking for him or for food, the court papers weren't very clear on what they thought my motivation truly was, but I climbed out. It made him very mad and since he had finished off 2 or 3 bottles of vodka by that time of the day, he was extremely mad. He decided no Shurley was going to be a male carrier. He was either going to fix me or I was going to have to go." 

He paused for a minute to drink some of his cool coffee. He didn't think his throat had ever been this dry. Cas kept his eyes on his mug, he couldn't look at Dean just yet. He buried his face back into Dean's neck before speaking again. 

"My Aunt, my only Aunt, showed up before it was too late for me but saving me was the last thing she ever did. Fighting with her brother to get me to a hospital she was able to call the police after he stabbed her, locked us in a closet and set the room on fire. In protecting me she lost her life." 

Cas could feel Dean's tears landing on his face mixing with his own. He was almost done with his shameful past, he just wanted the chance to still be around Dean. After just such a short time he couldn't imagine his life without this glorious boy. 

"He was unable to get the car started he was so drunk. The police and fire trucks blocked him in and they were in time to save me. I was hospitalized for days before my parents ever showed up." 

"What??"  

He could understand Dean's shock, but he was used to it. 

"They had apparently decided to stay for a few extra days, sending an email to my Uncle. It took a while for the police to get a hold of them. They were forced by the court to hire a nanny in order to retain custody of me once I was released from the hospital a month after I was admitted. In the court records the judge said he hoped that they would come to their senses and pay attention to their child. I'm so thankful for Jody." 

 

 

 

Dean just sat there and held Cas for the longest time. He didn't really know how long they sat there but it wasn't until the waitress came back motioning with a pot of coffee that Dean sat up a bit still holding Cas close. He nodded yes that they needed refills and told her they would be ready to order in just a minute. She gave him a small smile silently asking with her eyes if Cas was alright. Dean tried to nod yes, but it ended up a no. She patted him on the shoulder before walking away to give them more time. 

"Cas?"  

"Yes, Dean?" 

He hated that Cas sounded so timid and shrank back from him. Dean held on tighter not letting him shift away from him. 

"How about some waffles?" 

"That sound lovely. I just need to say one last thing, then maybe we can let it rest for a bit, yes?" 

"Abso-fucking-lutely, Cas" 

"When I came home from the hospital I didn't speak to anyone but Jody until the twins were old enough to talk to me, and never if anyone else was around. Whenever we would go out to eat Jody would just order what she knew I would eat. So I never really ever looked at a menu until today. I just became over whelmed, it was nothing you did Dean. Please don't think that you did anything but be wonderful to me when I don't deserve it" 

"Are you done now Cas?" 

"Yes" 

"O.k., we're gonna eat some waffles and bacon, if you want and then when we get home I will tell you exactly why you deserve everything good." 

"Yes?" 

"Yes, Cas. I'm gonna sit right here with you, alright?' 

"Thank you, Dean." 

"My pleasure, Cas. Really." 

Crap. He was gone on this blue-eyed boy.  


	5. Wishing & Hoping

After breakfast they went back to their room. Cas got a little thrill thinking of it as their room. He was a bit perplexed at how quickly he felt that he wanted to be by Dean's side for the rest of his days. He needed to try to keep his feelings boxed in, so he wouldn't shatter when he got his SoulMark and it didn't match Dean's. He knew that there was someone wonderful waiting for his roommate and he should and will be happy for him when they meet. As long as he could remain in Dean's world in some fashion he told himself he would be happy, and he would say it everyday for the rest of his life if he was so lucky. 

Classes didn't start for a week but Dean talked him into going to the bookstore saying they could get a jump on everyone else showing up later in the week. While Dean was in the bathroom Cas decided to change into his sweater that Jody had made for him it was getting chilly already outside. Of course, being the clumsy fool that he was, he got stuck in the neck of the shirt he was removing. It became tangled in his necklace and the more he wiggled to get loose, the tighter the shirt had him bound. Damn. 

 

 

 

Dean walked out of the bathroom reading a text from Sammy bitching that their parents decided to put him in a private high school. John had not been happy that the last year of public school that there had been some bully issues with Dean and he said since the little fuckers were still at the school, Sam wasn't going to be. He was going to call him but as he looked up to tell Cas he need a few minutes before he was ready he forgot how to breath. Oh. Dear. God. There was glorious naked skin in front of him. Crap. 

"Cas?" 

"Damn. Hello, Dean." 

"Damn?" 

"Yes, damn. I was hoping to be released from this before you came in." 

"I see. What happened? Hey! Careful there." 

He couldn't help but walk towards Cas, he was physically drawn to him but as he got close Cas had turned and about smacked him in the face. It gave him an excuse, he was helping! Not being a perv, he had to put his hand on Cas's waist to steady him. Crap. Now he was lying to himself. 

"I apologize. My shirt has somehow become tangled with my necklace. I could use some assistance, if you would." 

"Of course, Cas. Hold still." 

Maybe he took his time. Maybe he enjoyed the view. Maybe he really enjoyed watching Cas's abs move with each breath. Maybe he let his fingers brush against Cas's throat as he tried to get the necklace out of the string from his shirt collar. Maybe, no, definitely he sent up another silent prayer that Cas would be his. 

"Dean?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I'm getting cold." 

"O.k., I'll hurry. Sorry." 

"No need to apologize, Dean. I appreciate your help, with everything." 

Dean wasn't thrilled with how Cas's voice cracked at the end there. He wanted Cas to be smiling and laughing. He needed to hurry so they could go on the bookstore and maybe on the way home they could stop for a coffee. Get Cas one of those fancy sweet ones with honey like he used at the diner. 

"Let's just agree that we've helped each other, alright? Now, I like this necklace. It's cool. What type of feather is that supposed to be?" 

"Jody gave it to me. She found it at an antique store one day while her and I were out and about. She bought it telling me that it was a very small feather from my wings when I was an angel in a past life. That had been preserved in silver, and it held my courage. She said if I wore it every day, that maybe someday I would find a way to be courageous again. It hasn't happened but I love her sentiments behind the story." 

Dean finally had Cas untangled so he sat on his bed listening to Cas while watching him put on his sweater. 

"I believe you're wrong. I think you have courage." 

When he saw Cas's head tilt and the squinty confused look he was getting he continued on. 

"I see great courage when I look at you, Castiel. You came here, on your own. Sure, you have anxiety issues when it comes to being around others, but you came to college by yourself. Courageous. When you determined that I was having a nightmare, one that I had told you I had injured people during, you climbed into my personal space and you made it better. Courageous. You told me your story and let me hold you while you cried. God Cas, you are so courageous." 

Dean had told all of this while looking down at his hands in his lap. He couldn't really look at Cas fearing that this beautiful Angel boy would see the feelings he had awakened in Dean. As much as he was wishing, hoping, and praying that Cas was his, he wouldn't burden him with his feelings until he knew. That just wouldn't be fair, to either of them. 

"Thank you, Dean. It means a lot to me that you think so. Are you ready to go?" 

"Umm. I need a minute to call home, calm Sammy down over something stupid. That o.k.?" 

"Of course. I will go down to the common room. Give you some privacy." 

Dean watched him smile at him before he walked out the door. He wanted to tell Cas he didn't need privacy, but he really hoped to have a minute to talk to his Dad. 

"Dean! I can't believe they want me to wear a uniform!" 

"Hello to you, Sammy. Nice manners there, bitch. Listen, you're gonna get a better education, more classes that will look better to Stanford. I had to take extra courses at the community college alongside all my normal high school classes while I was dodging the kids that thought it was stupid to be smart. You're fine. I need to talk to Dad, please." 

"You alright?" 

"Yeah, just need some advice." 

"K, text me later. Jerk." 

It was just a minute or two before his Dad picked up the extension and Sammy hung up. 

"Son?" 

"Hey Dad" 

"You alright?" 

"Yeah, well no. I mean yes, but ...huh. I'm praying that my roommate is my SoulMate. I haven't known him for more that 24 hours now and I'm praying." 

"Well, you sound like me when I met your Mother." 

"Really?" 

"Sure. You know we met before we turned 18. It was a very long year. When does Cas turn 18?" 

"Sometime in November. I'm trying not to let him know what I'm thinking. If he's not mine, at least I can make sure that we become lifelong friends, I hope." 

"Your Mom told me he was moving in alone. That's terrible what with his parents living in the same damn city." 

"You don't know the worst!" 

Dean proceeded to tell his Dad the rest of Cas's story that he had found out that morning. He talked quickly knowing that Cas was waiting for him. He could practically hear his Dad growling as he heard what he had been through. When Dean told his Dad that he had had his nightmare and how Cas had helped him he could tell he took his Dad from being pissed to in shock. 

"Seriously. No migraine today, no hibernating?" 

"Nope. Went out to that diner you all liked. That's where Cas told me his story. Now we're getting ready to head to the bookstore then I wanna stop and get us a coffee. Amazing isn't it?" 

"Hell yeah. Wait til I tell your Mom. She went grocery shopping. I'll fill her in when she gets back. I expect you'll get a text or two, or a hundred." 

Dean loved the sound of his Dad's rich laughter. He would usually try and keep his Dad going by telling jokes or something but right now, he had someone else he needed to get to. Someone else who's laughter he wanted to hear. Whose laughter affected him just as deeply but in a profoundly different way. 

After saying goodbye Dean put his coat on making sure he had his wallet and key. Looking around their room he wasn't sure if this was the place that he met his best friend for life or where two souls reconnected after an eternity apart. He would just have to be patient until November for his answer. Crap. He really needed to ask Cas his exact birthdate. 

It was going to be a long month or month and a half to two months. Crap. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly from Dean's point of view, only switches POV once.  
> This concludes the first story in the series Whole Lotta Love.  
> Join me soon in the next installment that will be titled All Hallows Eve.  
> Thanks for reading....xx


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